my parents are getting old

We have a roadtrip planned this summer to see my parents. It has been a while since we've visited, and I fear that they will have changed in appearance more than I am prepared to see. They've already started to exhibit signs of doing "old person" type things - like gambling at the casinos several times a week, and mixing up their childrens names on the phone. They both *seem* to still have their faculties about them (as much as they have had them up until now), although some of the stuff my mother says over the phone makes me wonder.

My father says that he is preparing for retirement, and that this time he will actually stay retired. I'll believe it when I see it. He's the type of guy who needs to feel useful, like everything that he is doing has a concrete, easily understood purpose. I'm the same way at times, so I guess that's who I get it from. I suspect that much of his "busy-bodiness" has to do with the fact that he and my mother are opposites and don't seem to get along very well. So they limit their time around each other by staying busy with other things, and when they do spend time together (going to the movies, gambling), they are still inattentive to each other to a certain degree.

I'll bet that my dad buys an RV when he retires. He seems to be about ten years behind whatever his neighbors are doing, so its only a matter of time before he picks up some of those polyester jogging outfits, a Cadillac, and his and hers adjustable beds. Why do people inevitably buy into these age-based product trends? Is it simply a matter of desiring more comfort in one's old age? There's *got* to be an alternative to those ugly jogging suits, though.

when moving away is more difficult

With our last relocation, we moved pretty far away from "home". But then again, we moved so many times before then that "home" has proven to be a rather elusive word. I can't really decide what was "home" for me anymore. Is it where I grew up? I guess, but I moved may times during that time period as well.

We now live a hefty distance from our last "home" which also happens to be where our parents live, as well as my grandmother. Our relationship with our parents is typical - we miss them when we haven't seen them for a while, but spending any more than a few days with them reminds us of why we had no problem moving away. On the other hand, my grandmother is the sweetest lady on Earth, and I feel so bad that the kids are growing up not knowing her very well.

She's getting pretty old now, and her memory has started to go, which makes things more difficult when trying to plan visits. I wanted to see if I could get her to come out and visit us, but it sounds like having her fly by herself won't work. She has gotten to the point where she is dependent on my mother for just about everything. She can't remember to take her medication. She doesn't remember to eat if not reminded. It's heart-breaking for us to see her this way.

One of the latest opps at PPP reminded me of her, because it is for the Alzheimer's Foundation of America. While most of us feel quite helpless around our again loved ones that have afflicted with alzheimer's, it is good to know that there are foundations out there that are doing their best to investigate the illness and hopefully find a cure, while at the same time they aren't forgetting the treatment and care of those already suffering.

Of course, donating money is one of those things that many people place on their "to do list" but rarely get around to doing it. Fortunately, the AFA has taken it a step further and created an online store that people can shop at, with their purchases benefiting the AFA. This way, they take advantage of the fact that everybody remembers to do their Christmas shopping, and they allow people to show their support by purchasing a holiday gift for their loved ones.



While I find it rather sad that people feel like they have to have some sort of incentive to donate to these types of charitable organizations, I applaud the AFA for realizing that there are consumers out there who like the idea of their money going towards a worthy cause, but prefer not to send cash.

too old to spin?

At what point in our life does spinning start to make us feel sick? I have watched in amazement at my children spinning for twenty minutes straight and it just blows me away. Sure, they still get dizzy and their eyes are wiggin' out when they finally stop, but they never get the nausea that we get as adults. I remember being able to spin like that when I was younger. So when did it change?

I remember throwing up at a carnival after riding the "Scrambler" four times in a row. I think I was about twelve years old at the time. Perhaps that was the onset of my centrifugally challenged existence. But what causes it?

I understand that our sense of balance has something to do with our ears. Perhaps our "new ears" during our youth haven't established that same sense of balance (or the ability to get sick when it isn't detected). It's really difficult to say. None-the-less, I still enjoy riding roller coasters and hope to someday take my kids on a vacation near Ohio, where they seem to have a plethora of great amusement parks with lots of great coasters. We've never even been on a twin track racing coaster yet, although they've been around for centuries.

age defiance

As something of a musician, I recently attended a free conference call which discussed some of the modern aspects of independent music marketing, and one of the things the speaker touched upon were the "myths" that people new to the scene tend to fear. One of the things this gentlemen suggested to be a major myth in the industry is that one can be either too young or too old to "make it" or make any waves in the music industry. While this statement may prove successful at providing warm fuzzies for all the thirty-something-and-ups on the line, in reality I don't think that he is exactly correct in his assertion. While it is true that the music *should* be the first and foremost thing that sways someone to be a fan, let's face it...if you are of a certain in a certain genre, you just don't get the respect.

When it comes to being too old to be "cool", I'm sure that in the genres of rock, blues and country, there isn't such a roadblock. But try getting into pop music or even electronic music at the ripe age of forty and see how well you do, particularly if some of your success hinges on live performances. As much as I don't want to admit it, I'm guilty of it just the same as the next guy. I went to an electronic show, saw a guy in his early forties and asked my friend, "what the hell is that guy doing on stage?" Now if I had already known who he was, of if he was one of the "dinosaurs" of the electronic music industry (who already earned his respect when he was younger), I would have felt differently...most likely. But he was for lack of a better word a "newbie", and as much as I hate to act ageist, I judged him as an "old newbie" which means he's up against more of a challenge than a regular newbie.

If you're still following this ridiculous example, all I can say is that I find that it is a shame that certain genres of music are still so wrapped up in image that breaking into a scene will be twice as hard for people who don't fall into that certain imagery. As much as I would like to think that the faceless internet is changing the way that we feel about such things, I myself stand as a shocking (and embarrassing) example that it hasn't changed very much at all. Sad, isn't it?

Then again, if the "old man" who was performing had really good kick-ass music, I may have felt a little differently. It's hard to say for sure.

fighting for memories

In my last post, I mentioned how Alzheimer's Disease can effectively turn your loved ones into strangers. With this, post, I'd like to share some information on the Alzheimer's Association and their Memory Walk, which is a walk to raise funds for awareness and research. It is generally 2 or 3 miles in length, and open to people of all ages. They now have walks scheduled in over 600 different communities.

Aside form the "feel good" benefits of participating in such a walk, it can be a lot of fun, as well. There's no reason to walk alone. In fact, you can even start your own team with as few as nine friends or acquaintances. The Alzheimer's Association makes it very easy to do this by offering a PDF guide for team captains, a sign-up sheet, and even a free website that you can set up to promote and track your team recruitment and progress. The Association recommends that each member raise a minimum of $200 to be truly successful.

There are lots of places to find members for your team - at the office, in your neighborhood, at church, or even at the local bar or bowling alley. If you find more than ten people for your team, you can get someone else to sign up as a co-captain, or get someone to start their own rival team. A little bit of competition never hurt anyone, especially when it is for such a good cause.



If you won't be walking or starting your own team as a team captain, make sure to pledge your support for anyone in your area who may be walking. Alzheimer's is an emotionally catastrophic condition that needs to be battled with every bit of financial support we can muster.

filling the generation gap with memories

While I've been feeling the need for a vacation (or at least a night out) from the kids lately, I've also been thinking more about our own parents. How did they handle us when we were children? My parents were fortunate enough to have lots of relatives living nearby, and as a result our extended family was quite close and we rarely ended up in daycare facilities or unrelated babysitters.

I'm sure that if we were still living near our parents, our kids would be spending lots of time with the grandparents. There's a special relationship between grandparents and their grandchildren that the in-between parental generation can't seem to comprehend. How can they just let them do anything that they want? How can they spoil them so much when things were so strict and tight when we were kids ourselves? What was this revelation that changed our parents attitudes towards children (and better yet, how can I find it now)?

As their parents, we get stressed and tend to freak out about just about anything. But as grandparents, they have this awesome capability to just let things blow over. I've tried to emulate this attitude and it just doesn't happen. Why? Perhaps it's because at the end of the day, the kids are back at *my* house. So eve if they've been pumped full of sugar and television at the grandparents house, they're still going to be back home when they are going through withdrawal.

It's actually quite interesting to see how different our parents act around our kids, compare to how they acted when we were young. It's almost like they are completely different people once they retire. And it prompts me to wonder if I ever really knew my parents at all when I was young. As popular music blogger Bob Lefsetz recently stated, once you grow up you realize that everything your parents said when you were a child was right...and wrong.

So how do we get to know our parents? How do we get past that point where we are inherently trying to impress them and earn their respect so that we can just be friends? I often wonder how many people ever even get the chance to do this, and I suspect that once they have passed on, that thought is the one thing that haunts us. That we had all of this time to get to know who they really were, and now they're gone, and all we've got left are old photo albums and our own skewed memories.

I've been working on my genealogy off and on for the last decade or so, and one of the things that has floored me is how I waited so long to get to know some of my oldest living relatives. In some cases, I waited too long. In other cases, I actually got to meet a relative only weeks before they passed away, and the information that they gave me was more than I could have ever found in any census record or vital statistics report.

I think that lots of people wait until their parents are on their death beds (or worse, until after their death) before they decide to try and learn who they really were. And even if we catch them at the end of their journey before they pass away, there's always Alzheimer's disease to worry about. Will they remember the answers to our unsolved mysteries? Will they even remember who we are? It's a frightening and saddening thought.

So take this post as a reminder to cherish your parents now, while they are still around and of sound mind. While hearing about their latest bowel movement or trip to "Wal-Mart's" isn't going to make your day, you'll likely look back on the time spent together with fondness and longing when they're gone.