the massage copout?

Over the years, I've purchased numerous gift certificates to spas and massage parlors for my wife. She's enjoyed nearly every one, but always gives me the third degree for spending so much, and often suggests that I could have just given her a massage myself. The problem is that I've never really considered myself that great of a massager and I don't always enjoy it. I have occasional bouts of some sort of psoriasis on my hands and strenuous rubbing with my fingers and palms doesn't help. I usually prefer to use some oil, but in many cases the massage gets a bit more sensual than she had planned, and before too long I'm left trying to explain why naked physical contact always has to lead to sex. It doesn't *always* lead to sex, though - sometimes she says no.

;)

I just happen to find my wife extremely attractive - even after more than ten years of marriage. So sue me.

So what are my options? My wife still likes a good massage. Buying her a massage at a spa is expensive and I always get the third degree for how much I spent, even though it was a gift for her. Plus, aside from some oily clothing and a little new age ditty that gets stuck in your head, you basically pay your money, get your massage and walk away with a little less stress and few more sore muscles.

So here's a product idea: the Human Touch HT 7450 Zero Gravity Massage Chair

That's a whole lot of gobbledy-gook speak for "fancy massage chair", but it sounds neat. It can give a deep tissue workout on your back, legs and neck - all at the same time, with no sexual favors expected in return. It's got memory foam. It's available in a stylish black or brown leather zero-gravity design with heated lumbar support. It's fully automatic, fully adjustable and even utilizes voice response programming so that you don't have to reach down and switch it to a different setting while you're floating off into ecstasy.

The only hurdle - it's $4000! Yikes! Okay, to be fair it's $3,999 with a five year warranty. That seems steep, but let's consider what we might spend on massages over five years and compare. If you were to buy each other massages for your anniversary, birthdays, Valentine's Day and the holidays (always a good time for some stress relief) each year for five years, at an average cost of $100 per session, that comes out to about $800 per year for five years or...$4000.

So it's a wash, assuming that you buy each other four massages per year, which isn't unrealistic. Of course, if you actually owned your own massage chair, you could give yourself four massages a night, and you get a fancy leather reclining chair to show for all that cash. You also get to avoid all of those uncomfortable moments of being naked around a total stranger in a strange massage place, and you don't have to chase those crummy new age "relaxation" melodies out of your head for the rest of the day.

So if you're one of those people who normally pays for four massages (or more) each year, a chair like this might be worth checking out. For me, I still grant my wife her wish of getting a personal massage from the man she loves. I just need to work more on keeping my libido in check while I'm playing the part of masseur!