the family martyr

Why is it that some family members are granted martyr status while others are crucified without redemption for any little thing that they do (or don't do)? For example, I have an aunt who never buys gifts for anyone at Christmas, always requires that everyone call her because she "doesn't have long distance", and expects every one else to travel to visit her. She won't get on a plane, drive a car, or take a train to meet up with anyone. There is nothing wrong with her health. She, of course, uses finance as her excuse for these non-participatory acts.

Here's the rub. I don't make much more money than she does, and yet I've got kids and a wife. Although she says that she is broke, she always has money for cable TV, eating out, and smoking cigarettes. I would also like to skip taking trips to see relatives, as they are never "vacations", but only stressful travel experiences (especially when traveling with young children). I would also like to shut off my unlimited long distance calling and let my relatives call me sometimes. Unfortunately, I would receive a ration of you-know-what if I attempted to take such drastic actions with my relatives. And yet, my aunt has held this position for years and gets away with it. If I complain about it, relatives just shrug their shoulders.

It's no different than how parents treat their children, really. Some kids grow up and lead good lives, and are therefore held up to this standard of always being "good" and successful. Others make tons of stupid mistakes and so they are never criticized for failure or making further mistakes. Sure, it would suck being taken for granted as an idiot or fool, but if it means less criticism and disappointment from our parents, it may just be worth it. I guess it is all about setting a precedence.

It's silly that I allow my parents to still affect me at my age, but sometimes I can't help it, and it frustrates me at family gatherings that they make excuses for my less-than-responsible adult relatives. Especially when I know that they wouldn't make the same excuses for me...