rewarding family for their quirks

Any great ideas for Mother's Day gifts this year? Honestly, holidays are getting a bit on my nerves lately, and I'm not just using this as an excuse to not buy gifts. :-) I actually want to get my shopping for Mother's Day done early this year - maybe even a month ahead of time.

I actually enjoy purchasing gifts for my loved ones. I just don't like buying into the whole $5 throwaway greeting card idea, and I don't like feeling obligated to buy people gifts who may not deserve them. It's like the scene from the movie SLC Punk, in which "Heroin Bob" brings a birthday gift to his father, who nearly blows him away in a psychotic fit because he thinks Bob is a government spy. Did his father really deserve a gift from his apparently unloved and estranged son?

Now this isn't a rant against my mother, as I'm sure I will be getting something for her this year (and deservedly so), but rather a rant against using holidays as an excuse to buy gifts and pretend like our relationships with everyone are perfect (if only for one day of the year).

Over the years, as I have become older (and perhaps wiser?), I have realized just how malicious certain members of the family can be. I have done my best to avoid those family members the best that we can, as I don't want them influencing, embarrassing, or emotionally damaging my children if I can help it. However, sometimes I get that "nice guy" streak that tells me that I should feel sorry for these people and do better to try and keep the peace. Sometimes it is just so difficult, though.

I try to put myself in their place and see things from their perspective, taking into account that which I know of their past and their own upbringing. However, some family members are just so downright cruel, two-faced and evil-spirited that I just can't see them being a regular part of our lives. Contrary to what you read in greeting cards and what the talk shows throw at you with their "family is family" spiels, I don't mid the idea of "estranging" ourselves from certain relatives. I am "okay" with growing apart from substantial stress-inducing relationships, and not forcing my children to "suffer" through their B.S. like I have.

The real question is whether it is better to have theoretically "sound" smaller family gatherings, or the bloated drama that goes hand-in-hand with all-encompassing gatherings of bloodline and marriage. Obviously, the larger gatherings are more interesting to watch, but so are cock-fights...